A couple of years ago, I caved to my children and bought them a fish. A pretty blue-green beta fish. He was great. He lived in a vase and had a Peace Lilly with the roots wrapping around helping him to feel secure. He was quite the stinker though. He liked to play possum. I have a terrible memory and am constantly in deep thought about something. My kids would often remind me “Mom did you feed the fish?” Reason number 1 of why I decided to set his “tank” up in said manner. The Peace Lilly oxygenated the water and acted as food when my ever so forgetful mind would tend to neglect the little fellow. So when the kids would ask, I’d admittingly walk over and feed the little dude. When I did, the kids would peer deeply into the vase and say “Mom, he’s dead. He isn’t moving.” I heard this at least once a week for 8 months or so. So I tapped the glass and he just sat there. I saw a tiny fin movement, so I shook the stinky food in and went on about my business. Several weeks went by and one of the boys asked if I fed the fish. I replied “yes, last night.” Then I guess I tuned out because I didn’t recall what was said afterwards. Forgive me, I’m just being honest. I have to do that as one of the three always has something to say. Never a silent moment in my house.
A few weeks later, a light bulb went off without being promoted by the kids. “Ugh I haven’t fed the fish in a while.” So I grab the food, move the plant and begin to shake some food in the vase. The boys start to giggle. Then my 6 year old (Jase) says “Mom why are you feeding the fish?” Super aggravated that I get ridicouously obvious questions like this daily, I started to respond sarcastically. But I didn’t. I said “because he’s probably hungry and I forgot to feed him the past few days.” Then they start to giggle uncontrollably. By now I’m thinking they’ve put a kick me sign on my back because of their giddiness. Then my 7 year old (Jacob) breaks it to me…“Mom the fish has been dead for weeks.” Me:“really?! Why didn’t you tell me?” The boys both say at the same time “we did!” 7 year old finishes “you just didn’t listen to us.” Me: “probably because you guys tell me he is dead all the time.”
So many times we find ourselves just going through the motions, just doing our day to day duties. Doing the things that we want to do and not really paying attention to the signs or warnings as to whether what we are doing is even fruitful. Or if it’s beneficial to anyone, namely God. I can’t tell you how many blinking signs I’ve missed or how many times I’ve fed a dead fish. But I can tell you it’s been the better part of 3 decades. I haven’t prayed enough or didn’t seek Him enough when it came to the most important things. I’m guilty of doing what I’ve wanted to and then I would ask Him to clean the mess I had made. Today, I’m going to clean the tank of life and will take heed to what He is saying. I’m going fishing. I am going to be a fisherman of men.
